new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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