shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
