I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
nutella sex= disaster
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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