Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
