yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
