Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
