somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
