So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
