Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
