Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
