can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
