I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
