dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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