I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
