Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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