While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
