I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We were destined to go to rehab together
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
