I just cut my nipple shaving
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
