you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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