Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
