Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
