I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
