Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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