I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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