Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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