He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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