Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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