Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
