just tell him i said nine months
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
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