just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
