he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
