She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
