Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
