You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Your penis caused this!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
