What did we do last night that was yellow?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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