I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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