just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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