I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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