A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
