I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I love having hate sex.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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