Soap is not a condiment
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
