I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
