I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
there is glitter all over my balls
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