I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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