do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
