Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
