You're completely useless in the revolution.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
