I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
