In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
