Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
