Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
